Bleeding love …

Last Valentine’s Day I wrote this: « It would have been a pleasure to be with a gentleman today, to sip champagne on a beautiful beach, to feel the warmth of the sun on my cheeks, to watch him laugh at my crazy jokes, to walk with him at sunset, relax and forget the hard past, sing under the moon like the last time I was on vacation, vibrant at three in the morning, happy and dreaming of having a genuine hubby by my side. I can make any day a Valentine, it takes money, health and love. And honestly, when you have the first two ingredients, the third is never too hard to get, because you glow differently when you feel free, strong and desirable, men love that and you can choose when they come gather around you to flirt. »

Well, I’ve learned some more about modern love over the past few months, and while it’s been somehow disappointing, it can help me and others take well measured risks and establish real connections to find true love, I hope.

Some solid truths

It can be sad to think that the hubby you will have when you are happy and fulfilled may be the same man who looked down on you, didn’t even notice you, or worse yet, tried to take advantage of you when you were struggling and broken, when you needed support the most, but that’s just how the majority of humans are.

– Most people who get attracted to a woman who is going through difficult times are not there to help her, but to abuse further and on many levels.

– Additionally, some people will only be nice to you when you have some sort of power they could use, and they expect things from you without feeling the need to return the favours. They are not nice to you because they like you, they may hate you silently or loudly behind your back. In this case, knowing the whole truth about the situation, you must make a wise choice whether or not to maintain the connection.

– Always be careful, otherwise you will be used and abused again and again.

It’s often better to stay single until you can make it on your own, with the help of your close trusted ones of course, if you are going through a difficult phase in your life. And when love happens, see it for what it is: a “reciprocal opportunity,” “a give-and-take situation” on both sides, because that’s how your partner will see it if they’re not the narcissistic or abusive type.

Clarity is not that easy to find

Because of technology and all the spies barging in to sow confusion while trying to make a point about we don’t know the hell what, it can be very difficult to conceive of the possibility of a strong connection with someone expressing similar ideas, and perhaps shockingly using the same words. You doubt the synchronicity, you think it’s all staged again. It is although possible to get rid of any interference that has lasted way too long, you need to be clear-headed and give yourself some peace of mind. Only then, you can enjoy a new romantic relationship, or perhaps the one that you may have encountered in the past but rejected thinking it was not genuine.

I feel a bit psychic now, in a rational way. I think that when you raise your consciousness (knowledge, solitude, hurt and recovery, meditation, deep thinking etc.), you start to quickly figure out things (neuroplasticity also opens the door to creativity). What some would call intuition and/or telepathy is actually improved information processing. Plus, you doubt a lot until you wisely stop doing it, and the confidence you develop can be exceptional. When you meet a soul mate, it just clicks. You can also have friendship soul mates, it is not always about romance. Sometimes a common passion will make you feel very close to someone, and a deep bond based on mutual respect and admiration, the desire to support and protect each other, builds up from there.

The dark side of being in love

There is no dark side to being in love, there is only light when it comes to true, reciprocal love. No one-sided love can be about a shared peace. Is it true love when you don’t get back what you give? When it comes to sacrifice, self-denial and self-deprecation, or a violent desire that objectifies the other? It can’t.

By real love, I mean imminent and constant respect, good intentions, protection. Moreover, romance is about charming your partner, offering pleasant and cheerful little intrigues, keeping the fire burning and making your loved one feel special. A gentleman would fit this portrait. I can only end my humble description with a wonderful poem by Rumi which offers a discourse of wisdom mixing universal love, lust and unison, in a fluid but complex language not entirely understandable by everyone, because it takes a good heart to be able to discover the divine.

Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other” doesn’t make any sense.
Rumi (13th century)

Hella Ahmed 2023 © All rights reserved – Find my books on Amazon