Real expertise on the ground is not a play ..

(By Hella Ahmed) Some people like to mix things up to devalue. It is very sad to see them degrade the notion of “coaching”, which we find in different fields, by associating it with new age or sports enthusiasts who say that going to the gym will solve everything.

Change management does not rely on moralization and constraint, no consent or prior assessment of real needs, rather, the structuring bases of the coach’s practice are: listening and understanding, lucid assessment, knowledge transfer and adapted support to help and motivate. It is also about providing valuable recommendations that will help make the desired progress possible.

I know my unique worth is my mantra

Elitism is often based on an illusory sense of entitlement. When it comes to those who practice arrogant looting: you simply cannot be smarter or more deserving than the one you seek to steal/profit from. Some people telling us how important it is to spend happy times with family and friends don’t mention that it takes money to do that, that same money they get to earn leeching off the ones they dare to preach to while sabotaging their chances to a happy life. Being nice with some kinds will get you nowhere, be assertive and ask for what you deserve because they will always look down on you. Don’t waste the time you will never get back.

“Teachers don’t teach for money, the goal is not to be a bestseller for a writer, but to change people’s lives ». This is the logic snobs use to justify taking advantage of others they like to present as the « activists » they want them to be, while exploiting them for commercialization and profit. “Money (and fame) doesn’t make you happy,” is what the rich say to the poor, according to that same false logic. Teaching is work, and when you can’t do your job well because of bad conditions, you suffer, then quit. Moreover, writing is a vocation, someone who boasts of his good grammar and empty content will never be the writer who brings in his soul, experience, knowledge and creativity. Regardless, envy cannot destroy true talent and dedication.

Building bridges

Is it really possible to “build a bridge” by forcing a connection that benefits one side only?

The behaviour of people who choose the same aberrant logic and expect different results is quite astonishing. We cannot hope for reconciliation by doing even more harm, for example. The invasion of privacy, which constitutes harassment, is not a strategy to build a bridge, as they may want to play it, faking denial, but a way to force a bond based on deception and aggression.

The result is obvious when the opposition is expressed: an intelligent person cannot be expected to become stupid on occasion to follow the clumsy logic of one who makes of his selfish desire a path and a destination. Business is business, no one should sacrifice their value, their energy, their happiness, their life altogether, to make luxury even more possible for those who feel entitled to it, because their fame relieves them of the responsibility to remain honest and show regard for the rights and well-being of others.

Volatile promises

When prompting someone to join a cause (or a few), those in charge must not think that they can suggest professional opportunities or possibilities for too long without delivering even just a little according to their volatile promises and not lose their credibility plus influence. Despair does not necessarily make one blind enough to fall into magical thinking involving the good side of the preacher, believing that the time for lunatics to become generous and honest will finally arrive.

Those who have experienced being duped in the past have probably become much smarter about it, able to quickly diagnose a similar situation and find an exit, at least mentally if it is practically more difficult to extract oneself from abuse. Others, on the contrary, will lose all reasonable hope and fall into magical thinking glorifying the opposite side of what they once believed in only to be fooled and used.

Unlimited “stretching” to buy more time while exploiting people have harmful consequences, sometimes for both parties and not just the manipulated victims. There can be revenge when it is not a simple radical separation happening, a total breakdown in communication. A proverb teaches us that “The best revenge is no revenge, heal, move on, be happy”. In the face of lies, it is always better to choose progress rather than violence. In interpersonal relationships, we experience and we move forward. We improve self-awareness when we learn from the past.

Coaching is a great profession

Coaching is not always about being sweet as honey, it is more about cultivating assertiveness while manifesting it yourself in practice. I am talking about expertise and experience guiding the coach himself. Sometimes you have to be directive, and it is benevolence and wisdom that fuel this drive towards cultivating the best. You respond to a request, you respond to the person who contacts you, and the person who challenges you, perhaps awkwardly in some cases, but who really does it, because they are looking for your knowledge and your support to stay motivated.

Life is often a struggle, but the thirst for real improvement is what motivates the right coach who will not change you but only help you assert yourself to make the change you want. There is great beauty in all those eyes that open wide when you meet them and capture their attention, waiting for your love, your faith in them and your empathy. You give them the courage to make the necessary efforts towards progress.

Hella Ahmed 2023 © All rights reserved – Find my books on Amazon