In service of oneself and the collective

Recognizing our emotions, validating them, managing them, and planning to achieve our goals is a great recipe for professional success. This approach also works wonders in relationships, no matter what your past looks like. It’s closely tied to social skills that we need to keep working on throughout our lives.

When our past hasn’t been very balanced in terms of expressing emotions, it might have been either quite restrictive or, on the flip side, full of big emotional outbursts. Parenting styles differ when it comes to raising kids, so some people were encouraged early on to express their emotions, building a belief from childhood that it’s normal to acknowledge feelings and talk about them to solve problems in a healthy way, anytime and anywhere.

In this way, it’s crucial to promote a kind of communication that allows us to carefully consider all the factors in any situation, aiming to maintain a balanced relational life. If emotional expression in our early years was more like a stormy pattern, it might later be linked—consciously or unconsciously—to violence, danger, or even disgust, because it brings back tough, unpleasant memories by association, like arguments, anger, sadness, or breakdowns involving important people in our lives.

Time for a Check-In

This emotional check-in is about your current emotional life, but also your past, which you revisit to put things in perspective and soften the hidden turmoil it might stir up in your present without you realizing it. It’s also about your future, because it’s valuable to imagine yourself moving forward with kindness, no matter the injustices or hardships you’ve faced—whether in relationships or at work. A tough past filled with obstacles or mistreatment doesn’t doom you to a tragic fate: “To thrive in life is to ground yourself, to stay true, and to become who you are.”

To get there, learning to put things in perspective is key. From this angle, mixed feelings aren’t threats or roadblocks to growth. Emotional intelligence isn’t just about recognizing and validating an emotion in yourself or someone else. Nor is it about constantly analyzing your feelings to the point of disconnecting from them. Quite the opposite—it’s also about being able to handle surprises and tolerate uncertainty when you can’t fully grasp or fix something right away.

This flexibility shows self-compassion. Mental adaptability also helps you accept others for who they are, welcoming them when the connection is positive or stepping back when it’s more harmful than good.

Flexibility or Fate?

Emotional intelligence is also seen as a professional skill. It’s something people look for in leaders in business and innovation. Organizations increasingly value this as a key factor in teamwork and growth. In healthcare especially, it’s not just important—it’s incredibly vital.

Viewing personal flaws as an unchangeable destiny isn’t entirely fair when you consider what managing our emotions and relationships thoughtfully can do. We do our best and pick our battles wisely. The right conditions for positive change can help tone down certain habits while strengthening new ways of acting and expressing ourselves. They pave the way for fresh lessons that let us fully embrace the benefits of change.

Of course, these conditions don’t always depend on us alone, since our surroundings aren’t always set up for positivity. We can end up in tricky spots we don’t control, but what we *can* control—as the one experiencing, shaping, and partly designing our environment—is self-reflection, facing ourselves, accepting what’s there, and planning ahead.

By relying on what we’ve noticed and what we see unfolding, with clear and detached awareness, we gain flexibility in how we speak, express ourselves, and act. It’s through this lens that we can see emotional intelligence both fully at work and still growing.

Life isn’t easier or better without emotions. Even the smallest decisions involve them; our motivations are tied to how we feel. We know emotional intelligence can be shaped, so with every challenge, it’s possible to turn things around for the better through learning and awareness. It’s this energy—our drives and motivations—that sparks solutions and brings peace of mind when we channel it well.

Reaching Out to Come Back to Yourself

Some personal skills might be stronger than social ones. Instead of calling them shortcomings or mistakes in how we navigate the world, it’s fairer to say they’re habits to improve and that stepping back regularly helps us get back on track with a direction that better suits our personal and shared comfort. That personal comfort is deeply connected to how well we handle our own emotions and others’, as well as our ability to spot—through observation and reflection—the tactics people use to get what they want.

With regular check-ins, we can recognize missteps, set healthy goals, and protect ourselves. That’s how emotional intelligence can serve both us and the greater good.

Meeting Yourself

Take the example of a job seeker facing rejection after rejection, sometimes for roles that don’t even match their true ambitions or skills. They keep their cool because, over time, they’ve learned to notice their emotions, validate them by pausing to assess, let go of what doesn’t help, and plan new paths forward.

Even if compromises are needed during a transition to something better, it’s crucial not to lose sight of your real goals and sense of self-worth. Our emotional intelligence shields us from ourselves and others by nudging us to refocus regularly. While long-term unemployment is tough for anyone—lowering morale when you don’t feel useful at work or financially independent—it’s also a chance to uncover strengths and abilities you hadn’t dared to imagine. There’s precious time here not to waste regretting: the time to meet yourself. It’s about becoming your own friend and ally, committing to self-love despite any temporary hurdles.

Hella Ahmed © All rights reserved – Find my books on Amazon