The rise of online love coaches and the quest for connection

(By Hella Ahmed) The rise of influencers sharing relationship advice—think “codes” to unlock romance or “tactics” to win love—says something profound about our world. People are lonely. Technology connects us instantly, yet it makes authentic, face-to-face connection feel like a lost art. We’re chasing something magical, a spark to transform our everyday lives, but the glossy online world often sets expectations that reality can’t meet. We are drawn to the extraordinary and often struggle to reconcile the bland, limiting reality in certain toxic environments with the vibrant world we want to join—a world ready for greatness and fulfillment.

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Social media lets us reach out effortlessly, but it also lures us into illusions—scams, false promises, or even dangerous delusions. People expose themselves online, chasing attention and following strategies that can overshadow the sacred meaning of love. Still, I believe ambition can breed luck—the more you strive, the better your chances.

What drives our hunger for love?

Why do we crave love so deeply? Why do some seem unfazed when it’s missing? And why do we sometimes seem unbothered when it’s absent? For content creators, the answer often boils down to money. Building a lucrative online presence is tough, but platforms like TikTok show it’s possible. Your content—whether beautifully inspiring or providing raw, unfiltered takes—views translate to cash. Success in this space isn’t easy; everyone entering knows the risks, but the rewards can be massive.

But is there any love more genuine than what we share with family and friends, the ones we truly count on? Of course, family issues exist, and sometimes the worst pain comes from those closest to you. Friendship isn’t a guarantee either. Still, I can’t help but feel optimistic. When you see a couple radiating mutual love and respect, their joy is unmistakable—a euphoria nothing else can touch. That’s the kind of love worth chasing.

Celebrities might say they feel love from their fans, a unique blend of adoration and gratitude. Fans pay for this love, buying music, concert tickets, and merchandise, generating the views and engagement that fuel their idols’ success. But celebrities also face hate—critics, politics, and sometimes unhinged hostility. It’s part of the deal in a world of extreme disparities, where fame comes with both benefits and risks.

The power of beauty

Being strikingly attractive opens a unique window into life. Beauty, of course, lies in the eye of the beholder, but those who turn heads know their looks shape their world. A smart, stunning relationship coach trending on social media describes it well: beauty brings out admiration and envy, “privilege” but also backlash. Women, driven by jealousy, can be ruthless, while insecure men might dismiss someone they fear will reject them to protect their egos.

Yes, beauty opens doors and creates opportunities, but it also attracts bad intentions. Attractive women face harassment, stalking, and even violence. Handsome men, meanwhile, are endlessly pursued, with easy access to romantic options. How does a partner cope with the stress of loving someone so desired? True love, though, cuts through the noise, offering a playful calm that makes it all worthwhile.

Age might play a role—learning from the pain of seeking love without self-love in youth, before building strong self-esteem, can teach you what to avoid. I can promise you this: resentment and bad feelings have no place in a healthy partnership. Love doesn’t hurt. That’s why self-love is the foundation of any relationship, with yourself or others. When you value yourself, you won’t tolerate darkness—you’ll seek light and stay focused.

Power struggles and hostility

Online, we have seen power struggles and hostility between the sexes amplified on social media. Misogyny, internalized misogyny, and obsessive, fierce rivalries among women aren’t new, but they’re louder now. Some influencers push ultra-traditional views, claiming they’ll restore the romantic ideals young girls once dreamed of—or the chivalry they say feminism ruined. From licensed psychologists to certified coaches and self-proclaimed experts, the voices are unapologetic and varied, catering to those seeking guidance and asking for more.

Some coaches preach that men are selfish creatures always seeking validation, and once they get it, they lose interest. Thus, their advice is to “make them suffer and humiliate them.” On the flip side, some male influencers promote toxic masculinity, branding women as gold-diggers while asserting that “real men” should control the finances and women should step aside, stay home and focus solely on raising children. Some even go further, suggesting “bad” women deserve punishment. It’s a mindset you can’t reason with; they decide who qualifies as “good” or “bad” based on their personal values, needs and moods, and they get to publicize their choices as universal.

Revolution and religion

The gender revolution, of course, is another dimension worth exploring. People have become more open about their feelings and freer to make personal choices about their love lives in public, a freedom partly enabled by free speech. However, we cannot ignore that, alongside this openness, extremist views have gained prominence. These views often stem from rigid upbringings, self-doubt, or narcissistic tendencies, leading some to proclaim their version of “the ultimate truth” as the norm, despite it being rooted in opinion rather than fact.

We must also consider the political dimension, where control and power are sought through any means available. A particular, often manipulative interpretation of religion serves as a great tool for those seeking influence. Meanwhile, people—perhaps tired or intellectually lazy—choose to surrender their willpower to charismatic, convincing leaders. These individuals, who express a strong desire to protect and guide their followers to prosperity, often escape scrutiny because their intentions seem divinely endorsed. Faith, sadly, can sometimes become a trap.

Can we trust the advice?

Consider the coach and licensed psychologist who advocates for traditional roles, helping men find “high-value” women with a checklist of standards and red flags. She markets herself as a matchmaker for the elite, thriving in a world where wealth and reputation reign. But her approach can anger women who feel judged or left out of the “high-value” club.

Then there’s the combative type, teaching women to “tame” men into submission. At first, I mistook one coach’s dramatic advice for satire—it sounded like a comedy: “Make his life hell, and he’ll worship you.”. This advice often feeds drama-hungry audiences and may somehow empower women who are not mature or confident enough to see through the fog of deceptiveness, who may over-idolize romance or act desperate for it.

When you’ve been neglected or hurt and someone finally shows you attention, you might open your arms and heart wide, no questions asked about their motives or the fallout of blind trust, risking getting played. Emotional traumas due to a dramatic lack of nurturing when you needed it growing up can drive you to drama and keep you trapped in it. Also, this tragic fervor for the possibility of love may be caused by profound voids and traumas in adulthood, and not necessarily linked to the lingering scars of emotional misadventures from upbringing.

Save yourself first

As long as these coaches and psychologists aren’t preying on your wallet while watching you repeat the same mistakes, you’re not worsening your situation. The good news? You don’t need to buy into the chaos. Real coaching doesn’t push manipulation or drama—it fosters growth. The online world may be obsessed with visibility and quick fixes, but true love starts with self-love. When you value yourself, you won’t settle for darkness; you’ll seek light.

So save yourself first. Build your confidence and let the noise fade; the right connection will find you when you’re ready. I’ve seen it in couples who radiate trust and joy, and I’ve felt it in moments of clarity after tough lessons. Love isn’t meant to make you suffer, It nourishes and propels in life.

Hella Ahmed 2025 © All rights reserved – Find my books on Amazon