(By Hella Ahmed) It seems so easy to travel around telling people that heritage trauma is not a personal issue and that they shouldn’t use it to not become a super star or some snobs best friend. Is this supposed to be a reverse psychology used by the self-proclaimed global coach trying to make you feel guilty, putting you down, while pretending to be doing the exact opposite?

Manipulative people make you feel worse than you did before giving them some of your precious time, and they do it by being judgmental to convince you that you’ll do better listening to them, because they know what you don’t, and you need to like them, share their sketchy products and buy tickets to their boring offensive talks.

The victim mentality big statement

To accuse people of having a victim mentality when going through difficult times and seeking wisdom is to oversimplify in a harsh and insensitive way what they may be going through on different levels. This attitude is an insult to the people, to the intelligence of those who can have a real global perspective on major issues, being at the same time fully capable of getting specific with each one of them, using specialized knowledge. It’s quite a deal hein to give motivational talks mixing up all kind of topics related to health: lifestyle, racism, trauma.

The generalization bullshit that says victims become abusers and abusers were victims is only comforted by the attitude of the « grandiose » individuals who treat victims going through tough times like lazy losers. It’s absolute nonsense to talk about trauma when you don’t know what it really is. Anyone who wants to seriously speak about it should explore the layers that come with it, such as the lack of a social safety net, stigma, depersonalization, discrimination and extreme poverty. This would be relevant as opposed to unnecessary preaching.

Bringing up the victim mentality to claim that it is a strategy to not take responsibility is sad and speaks volumes about the self-centred communicator. Before speaking professionally about human struggles related to trauma, you need to learn a lot of sociology, philosophy, psychology and psychiatry. Feeling good and successful isn’t just about going to the gym and it certainly will not help someone going through psychological distress to attend laughable seminars given by a know-it-all wannabe generalist or a brainy Dr. Phil with not much of the required empathy it takes to deal with the suffering of others (selfishly taking great advantage of their vulnerability).

What systemic racism?

To say that systemic racism does not exist is to consider that the sacred visibility of the dominant group, which is only a group of people in an ocean of existences, is by right. Is this legitimized ego-centrism? Maybe it is some kind of a « fake denial », just violence. Even the word « minority » imposed not by the majority but by the dominants is difficult to digest. I am under the impression that the real minority is actually those we see speaking in the name of a “we” that we don’t see that much.

There will always be people labelled as “minorities” who will become visible by arguing that systematic racism does not exist for real. Do they do it to rub shoulders with the dominants and benefit from their good favours in exchange? Has a favorable fate placed them in a context that did not allow them to be sensitive to a bigger reality? Does ignorance contribute to a good fate? Do they experience real denial that helps them not suffer personally from facing the truth of what is happening to them or from witnessing the difficult journey of others caused by the traumatic consequences of systemic racism?

Empathetic people with precious knowledge know that they are dealing with complex humans and never lose sight of the impacts that the economy has on vulnerability, they keep in mind that we do not all have the same sensitivity and that each story is unique. We should listen to them instead of being impressed by narcissists who gather vague information from different sources because they need to post something that has some form and may seem interesting. Their goal is to make money by chatting on social networks and offer the illusion of knowledge to people vulnerable to manipulation, easy to impress with patchworks of thoughts.

The best may come

Our trauma is not our fault and usually the people who caused it, and those who are into aggression thinking it’s a commercial « hustle » to preach bullshit, will accuse us of having a victim mentality. Their guilt becomes moot and the guilt of the targets becomes the main focus, so that they can continue to be blind to the truth, making useless statements. The most absurd thing is that they will push your buttons until you are repulsed and there is no turning back only to try and reverse the situation in the end playing victim. You’ll be pointed at as being insensitive and rude. When it comes to them being the victim, it’s a matter of justice, but when it comes to your victimization, it’s all about your bad mentality, you are not a victim!

Hella Ahmed 2023 © All rights reserved – Find my books on Amazon