A Clear Refusal, Sometimes Ignored

Whether we like it or not, some individuals persist in imposing a relationship despite explicit refusal. Even when faced with clear opposition, they stubbornly pursue, harass, or harm the person rejecting them, sometimes for years. This behaviour can manifest as obsessive persistence, or even physical or psychological violence.

While the targeted individuals try to live their lives, these people cling to an unhealthy illusion, making compulsive observation of their target their main preoccupation. Some, lacking personal stimulation or goals, engage in perverse games to feel alive.

They oscillate between declarations of love or admiration and insults, often driven by unfair competition or emotional blackmail, using tactics like « double binds » to force a connection. In some cases, this behaviour reflects an absurd belief that a desire for a relationship could emerge despite the target’s resistance. Such obsession, sometimes linked to disorders like erotomania, leads to repeated violations of boundaries, turning the relationship into a form of parasitism.

Expressing Refusal is Important

Although the fear of rejection is a universal human wound, expressing refusal clearly and firmly, without justification, is essential. As the saying goes, « no is a complete sentence. » Whether in romantic, friendly, or professional contexts, no one should have to explain their choices or boundaries. Malicious individuals, such as manipulators or narcissists, often exploit ambiguity to control their targets. Against them, a categorical refusal is not only legitimate but necessary.

Saying « no » is a skill to be learned. Even if some sociopaths may twist this assertion against you, it remains your best tool to protect your integrity. In the absence of a clear refusal, you may be blamed for lacking firmness. If a simple « no » isn’t enough, you must demand respect for your boundaries or take measures to ensure your safety and peace of mind.

Ambiguous Relationships and Manipulation

Some individuals deliberately cultivate ambiguity in relationships to manipulate others’ feelings. Often narcissistic, they seek to control or exploit their targets, turning them into pawns in their selfish scenarios. A firm refusal is essential to protect oneself from such behaviour.

In any relationship—friendly, romantic, or professional—it’s normal to want to clarify expectations. Over time, it becomes natural to know where you stand and set clear boundaries to preserve your quality of life. These boundaries are crucial for maintaining a healthy balance and avoiding toxic intrusions.

The Envious Admirer, Obsessive Competitor

Some people fixate on those who embody what they wish they could be or achieve. Paradoxically, they denigrate what they admire, revealing a wounded self-esteem masked by self-aggrandizement or victimhood. Instead of confronting their jealousy and working on themselves, they attack the source of their obsession.

This behaviour, often delusional, stems from a denial of their fixation. These individuals constantly compare themselves to their target, excessively glorifying themselves while remaining focused on one person, sometimes for years. Why such obsession? It often lies in their inability to accept their own limitations and move on from what consumes them.

Neurotic Harassment and Boundary Violations

Here are some examples of problematic behaviors:

• Delusional Obsession: A person convinced they must be adored by someone they barely know, despite clear refusal, may exhibit antisocial traits. This behavior, sometimes linked to erotomania, violates the target’s rights and may break the law. While erotomania isn’t always tied to criminal acts, forcing a non-consensual relationship is always an attack on freedom.
• Manipulation through Orbiting: Some manipulators keep their targets in confusion, alternating between strategic closeness and withdrawal to maintain control.
• Stalkers’ Denial: Persistent harassers downplay their actions, claiming they’re “misunderstood” or “slandered” when exposed. Their wounded ego drives them to persist, often at the cost of their dignity.
• Ambivalent Behaviours: A person alternating between loving and hateful rhetoric, unable to accept refusal, displays inappropriate and alarming behaviour , seeking to impose an imaginary or non-consensual bond.
• Sense of Possession: Some individuals, unable to accept that their target has an independent life or success without them, cling to the idea that the target “belongs” to them. This neurotic harassment robs the victim of freedom and peace.

Warning: A Real Danger

Neurotic harassment can escalate into physical stalking or aggression in severe cases. Some individuals, trapped in their delusions, imagine they have a legitimate relationship with their target, perceiving resistance as a lack of goodwill or something to “save” the target from. These behaviors, sometimes conscious and deliberate, are often denied or justified with clumsy rhetoric to prolong the non-consensual connection.

Concrete Examples

• Delusional pseudo-therapists who believe they must “heal” someone they’re obsessed with from afar, viewing refusal as resistance to overcome. Far from therapeutic, this behavior is antisocial and harmful.
• Cases of erotomania where the individual falsely believes a relationship exists.
• Narcissists unable to accept that their target isn’t enamored with them, demanding total submission.
• “Copycat stalkers,” often women, who obsessively mimic, parasitize, or try to outdo their target for years, criminally disrupting their life while pursuing their morbid fixation.

Conclusion

Expressing a clear refusal is an act of self-respect and boundary-setting. In the face of toxic, manipulative, or obsessive behaviors, staying firm and protecting your integrity is crucial. If harassment persists, legal measures may be necessary to ensure safety. Saying “no” is a fundamental right, and no one should live in the shadow of an unwanted obsession.

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