Letting Go, Holding On, and Finding Your Strength

(By Hella Ahmed) You stop loving because you choose to let go of what hurts you. Then, your feelings of love fade. It’s an emotional reaction followed by a decision, after which your emotions align. Essentially, making a decision is a wise move when facing a situation that no longer fits or helps you. Choosing to act is the opposite of succumbing to learned helplessness, constant resignation, or a lack of resilience and ambition.

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What You Let Go and What You Hold On To

This idea makes sense in two scenarios. First, when you give up on an impossible reconciliation to save yourself from unhealthy relationships or situations. As Einstein said, you can’t expect a different outcome by repeating the same actions. This applies even when you’re not the one repeating the nonsense but are targeted by hostile forces that won’t leave you alone. A toxic environment signals it’s time to let go of your love and move to a place where you can expect respect and fairness in return for your gifts—a place where you can grow and evolve.

The second scenario is when you decide to let go of resentment and old grudges. Look in the mirror and promise to work harder at nurturing what you love, what’s more precious than anything. In family, marriage or close partnerships, you sometimes need to push through challenges because your people are invaluable, not objects to be discarded. Whether it’s rebuilding a lost connection, addressing parenting struggles, or deepening intimacy strained by daily life, you can work it out with logic and emotional regulation. Hope for the best by embracing your love.

Motivation as a Start or a Follow-Up

We know decisions often stem from motivations. For example, if your motivation is to be healthy, you might decide to join a gym and recommit daily to reach your goal. Motivation is key to decision-making. But when you’re too down or weakened to find positive motivation, you may need the energy and support of others who have your best interests at heart. They can influence your decisions, and over time, your own motivation becomes clearer. A healthy mind and body are always illuminating.

You’ll never meet someone who says, “I’m so fit and strong, but I just don’t like it.” That’s why therapists, coaches and health professionals exist—to guide you through your journey. They see your pain and ambitions, and their goal is to help you become the best version of yourself.

Toxic People Are Driven by Perversions

Toxic narcissists, both men and women (often called “perverse narcissists”), target people they perceive as broken—those who’ve faced tough times or are in a financially delicate phase. They find thrill in breaking down those they see as vulnerable, aiming to control and prove a twisted sense of superiority through covert violence and exploitation. They avoid targeting those with more power or wealth because hurting them doesn’t satisfy their perverse need for sadistic, pseudo-competitive dominance over those they deem fragile and exploitable.

Their mistake, however, is underestimating the resilience of creative, principled people who think deeply rather than indulge in petty games for validation. They arrogantly try to extract substance from those more intelligent than themselves, misjudging their ability to fight back.

The worst mistake—often caused by low self-esteem, emotional hardship, or extreme loneliness—is expecting love from strangers, even those you admire. They exploit your vulnerability and need for connection as soon as they notice it, treating you like an object to use and mock. When you stop expecting anything and walk away, they label you a disgrace for reclaiming your freedom through indifference to their toxic narcissism. Yet, they never leave you alone. Expectation is the killer.

The Expectations You Should Have

Above all, expect respect—respect for your boundaries, your personal space, and your work. You don’t expect love from strangers; you expect respect for your basic rights. As you build closer relationships, expectations can grow based on mutual trust. Sadly, some environments are toxic, and intruders with power will eagerly destroy what you’ve built or steal it. It’s your responsibility to constantly reaffirm your freedom and push back against these agents of destruction. This war isn’t one you choose; it’s imposed on you, reflecting their values, not yours.

Personally, I cherish my ability to create. I feel intense pride and integrity when I produce original work. It’s unthinkable that some people, unfamiliar with this feeling, feel entitled to steal or ruin someone else’s creations and present them shamelessly as their own. Crooked minds are truly deplorable.

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