Between pure sincerity and feigned softness

(By Hella Ahmed) One might think democracy is a quality of hypocrites, yes, for do hypocrites not have the capacity to conceal hostile or self-serving plans, skilfully transgressing the limits and rights of others, only to then, why not, play at benevolence and the need to magically repair what was done, without truly answering for their actions?

Between hypocrisy and diplomacy

To begin, let us make a necessary distinction between hypocrisy and diplomacy, between hypocrisy and propriety in the service of social cohesion. Diplomacy, whether in politics or in everyday conflicts, serves to split the difference when that is the most favourable outcome, for example; to conduct oneself with tact during negotiations; to find the strength to make compromises while thinking of avoiding the disastrous consequences of an unresolved problem in the short, medium and long term.

Diplomacy does not presuppose hypocrisy: the game and the stakes are clear. Yielding on certain points, or accepting the influence of the other, does not amount to an invisible stratagem that plays on emotions and feelings; it is fully transactional.

Is hypocrisy a legitimate means?

If we speak of the need to navigate our relationships in work environments or even in strained family relations, it is once again diplomacy that is at issue, and not hypocrisy. And this is where delicacy comes into play: one wants to help maintain a healthy atmosphere in a sustainable environment. One thinks of protecting the proper functioning of an imperfect system, of course, yet one that serves to preserve the bonds between people who communicate with one another and who have no choice but to collaborate, for their interconnection gives existence to an ecosystem that sustains them.

In these groups, whether professional or familial, one finds leaders, experts, volunteers and sentinels. This does not prevent internal squabbles or ways of doing things that can be rather destructive for those who are not part of this microcosm and whose resources may serve to maintain it or to make it richer. These dynamics are not without recalling tribal wars, whether they are truly identified as such in their context, or similar dynamics between family or professional clans, if one observes them under the systemic anthropological lens.

How does hypocrisy operate?

Hypocrisy is this way of conducting oneself with Machiavellianism and of never facing one’s victims. It is always maintaining a disengaged attitude toward their suffering—suffering caused by the reprehensible acts of the person who organised the misdeed and who carried it out. It is facing one’s victims in detachment, with a virtuous arrogance. It is refusing to accept rejection, just as it is refusing to admit the need for a utilitarian relationship with the one who, for example, has not expressed any desire to be in a relationship.

Hypocrisy is also this way of turning one’s coat at every turn, of shifting with the wind in order to extricate oneself from problems one has oneself caused through selfishness and obstinacy. It is never feeling responsible for the damage caused, never thinking for a second that one must make amends—not with a simple magical fabrication of the sort “let us now practise delicacy,” as if nothing had happened. One must pay at some point; to pay, here, means fully assuming the consequences of one’s actions without looking away or seeking a cover. This, the hypocrites who think themselves delicate cannot conceive, for everything is owed to them through malice and diversion.

Sincerity without delicacy

Of course, we imagine a world in which everything could be handled with the finest delicacy, where you might ask, for example, that stubborn person, incapable of self-questioning, obsessed with plundering your intellectual production, to go play elsewhere—and they would do so… but that is rather unlikely.

Hypocrites who engage in transgression and denial, coupled with virtuous arrogance, will regard your delicacy as an invitation to persist in their reprehensible conduct. Delicacy is not a weakness; it too has its thresholds. If they knew how to live, if they possessed genuine estimable values, or were in full possession of their faculties—for certain people suffer from toxic, delusional narcissism—they would have acted differently from the outset; they would not have abused, and repeatedly.

Moreover, when you confront them head-on, with accusation or even aggression, they will continue in the same direction, for they are dependent and incapable of doing otherwise. Hence, turning toward the naïve and the unassuming gatherer, without pretension and without pursuit of profit—which was nevertheless the starting point of the stratagem—becomes for them a magical exit door.

But what is delicacy?

It implies pure sincerity. It seeks to help others without thinking of direct and immediate advantages, entirely the opposite of hypocrisy, which drapes itself in feigned softness used to charm and manipulate. In this light, in a context where one exercises conscious leadership, delicacy becomes a means of raising awareness so that a positive vision of things may foster a certain cohesion leading toward shared positivity. It is not a tool for repair after the fact, but a posture present from the outset, one that refuses to sacrifice respect for the other for the sake of a result.

The hypocrite who feigns delicacy is seeking a cover in order to proceed while setting aside respect for the rights and the private sphere of others, in everything that constitutes it. Hypocrisy uses the appearance of delicacy as a magical method of absolution after the mask of ill-intentioned calculation has fallen.

Benevolence is a reality, not a conceptual fraud

Observing hypocrites tergiversate, one realises that they know very well what benevolence is. Their deceitful language serves to protect them at all costs; they have this colossal benevolence toward themselves tattooed like a great whale upon their mask. The choice to take advantage of others and to taunt them is entirely conscious, and delicacy never formed part of their plan when they thought of everything except the well-being of their targets. In life, one must not encumber oneself with the endless delusions of those who think only as far as the tip of their own nose.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Read : Can we really soften our hearts toward “flat” people? (When an open heart must meet boundaries), 9 Jun 2026, Hella Ahmed. 

Read : Est-il vraiment possible de s’attendrir face aux gens égoïstes ? (Entre manipulation, illusion et blessures silencieuses), 28/06/2026, Hella Ahmed. 

Read : Du déni simulé à l’arrogance assumée (Le jeu malsain décrypté : la clé pour se préserver), 21 July 2026, Hella Ahmed. 

Read : How to resist narcissistic perverts and psychopaths who try to break us (Dark psychology tactics, double bind, and identity destruction techniques), 4 Jun 2026, Hella Ahmed. 

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